But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
