Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This baby is an asshole
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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