he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
