"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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