nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
