Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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