I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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