you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize