I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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