my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
