Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The power of my boobs compel you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize