If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
