Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
