she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she looked like the before picture.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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