uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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