Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i came on her dog
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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