he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
