textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
