Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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