My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
