Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
