Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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