She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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