I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
