where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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