it wasn't lemon gatorade
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
