there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
