Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
