I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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