Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
