Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
