so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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