Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
