if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
