I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i believe in u and ur pee
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
