Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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