Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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