I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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