he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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