i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
