you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
