Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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