Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
