How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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