I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize