Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
