she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
