hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
