i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
