i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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