Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
