I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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