She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
