Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
