Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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