Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
foreskin is a definite game changer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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