She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
In America we eat man semen.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
