Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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