i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize