There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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