I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
