so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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