I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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