So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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