She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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