i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
