We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
