I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
