Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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