the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This house was built for laser tag.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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