If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
