NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
