Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
