So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Found the puke drawer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
