i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
