Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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