Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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