I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
