I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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