wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize