I feel like I'm in dance class right now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
