Umm I'm too high to move.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
