sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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