mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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