Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
someone owes me an orgasm
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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