oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
