he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
