if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
