I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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