the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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