party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
