How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
